My Real Struggle and Recovery of Postpartum Depression

Today I began a new chapter of my life in openly speaking about my struggle with postpartum depression.  I felt the strong urge to reach out and open my heart to other mothers who have experienced what I have this past year.  

I am going to be very honest with my experience and not sugar coat anything. So I hope your ready for the raw truth. I also want to state that this is my experience and that you do not have to follow any of my suggestions if it does not feel right for you.

When I would hear a story about postpartum depression, I would think that it only happened to "other women" and that it was overplayed in the media by some celebrities. I thought it could never happen to me being an acupuncturist and birth doula specializing in women's health, fertility and postpartum care.  I really thought I knew how to prevent it from happening with my knowledge as a practitioner and a holistic mother. 

Kala at 2 months with Me in Bliss

So I was almost in shock and straight denial when it DID happen to me.  I'll start by giving you a small overview of what occurred after the birth of my second child Kala.  I had a wonderful all natural delivery and was on cloud nine the first month after Kala was born.  I even encapsulated my placenta, got acupuncture and took some postpartum herbs for quick recovery.  I felt great and fully recovered after six weeks of delivery!  It was a completely different experience compared to my first postpartum recovery.   

I was breast feeding and resting when I could.  At around six weeks, I felt the dread of going back to work and leaving my newborn. Don't get me wrong. I love my job and was happy to have a small break from being a "mama cow" lol for a few hours.  

I was pumping every time I went to work and breast fed her pretty much every two to three hours during the day and about once during the night.  Then I noticed my milk supply took a huge dip when Kala was about six months old.  I felt sad and upset that I couldn't stimulate more milk for her and soon the spiral of guilt, resentment of not being able to be at home with my baby and self sabatoge began.  When Kala was seven months old, something really changed in my behavior. I mean really changed. 

I noticed having severe mood swings and lots of anxiety and depression.  I was more irritable and angry that I couldn't get simple things done the way I used to do.  I began thinking that I was going crazy or possibly bipolar, but I knew in my heart that I was not myself.  Something had changed my behavior and as a practitioner seeing these things daily, I had a feeling it was a hormonal imbalance. Thank God I knew the signs.  

That is why I am sharing my experience with all of you.  I want to help prevent postpartum depression for other women or at least educate them to know the signs. Most importantly to GET HELP right away.  I was in denial and didn't seek help until my baby was eight months old.  By that time, my hormones were so wacky and imbalanced, that my naturopath was shocked how I was still functioning and happily treating my patients.  

I had a hormone panel done and the results were astounding. I had almost menopausal levels of progesterone, estrogen, and estradiol.  These hormones are all indications of mood stability and balance.  The problem was that I had not had a period for about eight months because I was breast feeding. My naturopath urged me to stop breast feeding slowly in order to stimulate my period and have my hormones naturally balance out.  I tried weening my daughter at eight months and it was truly hard for me.  Each time I would breast feed, I would get happy because of the release of oxytocin aka "the happy hormone" when you breast feed.  Then I would get depressed whenever I wouldn't breast feed her for more than a 6 hour gap.  It was horrible. I couldn't break the cycle.

Then I had to make an important decision. Whether to keep feeling utter hopelessness and constant depression or to take action and be a better mother.  I had to choose my health as a priority and stop breast feeding so I could take supplements in order to help balance my hormones.  

I notice many women struggling with breast feeding today.  They don't want to stop breast feeding or take the time to incorporate self care (therapy, massage, acupuncture, date nights, exercise etc.) because of the guilt of "looking bad" or because they just want to sacrifice everything for their child.  And I am not slamming that one bit, because I did it too! 

To give you perspective, I was in a place where I did not know how to love myself anymore and felt very lonely and defeated.  I was putting myself down daily. Perhaps because I was angry that I had an umbilical hernia after my second child that I now have to get plastic surgery on (which still looks like I am 2 months pregnant) or that I had ZERO down time running after a baby and 3.5 year old while working part-time.

There was one day when I realized that I was so unhappy and felt a serious lack of joy in my life.  That day was a real low for me. Because my close family and friends know that I am usually a very positive and uplifting person.  I have a lot of energy and love to help others heal.  *And the irony now was that I did not know how to heal myself! I kept thinking, "How could I not know how to heal myself and I am a healer working on others daily?"  I was frustrated and confused.  I became lost in the abyss of victimhood.  

So I turned to what has always helped me when I am in a bad mental space-to pray and trust that God had a plan for me. I have always known that some things happen for a reason. So I had to surrender to my obvious postpartum depression and then have the faith that I COULD shift on my own.  I had to let go of hiding my "secret" and the anger I felt in experiencing the pain of depression and being overwhelmed as a working woman and mother of two children.  I knew I had to speak about my experience and share it with others. I thought perhaps I could help one mother in need of a good friend and to let her know she is not alone. 

My saving grace was a good support system.  My faith in God, parents, amazing and patient husband and close friends helped me push through the resistance.  And believe me, there were days I had so much resistance to the process that I was fighting myself.  I started seeing a therapist and getting weekly acupuncture from a very good friend. I also saw a wonderful naturopathic doctor who found out most of my hormone imbalances and how to remedy them. 

So how am I doing now you ask? I am almost 80% better.  And in a place of sheer Gratitude and Acceptance of my experience.  I have now released all my anger and victim hood from 2013 and am ready for a better and more joyful year ahead :)  

My Husband Mukunda, Me, Kala, Setareh, Dad and Mom

*So my message to every mom out there is to get educated and know that it is alright if you have some depression after having a baby.  It CAN happen. And its NOT your fault.  Get a good support system behind you and reach out for help immediately because there is not point in suffering alone.  It's also important to know that postpartum depression DOES eventually lift and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  So if your experiencing it for a couple months, please seek help. 

My wish for ALL mothers is to have a peaceful and beautiful postpartum experience bonding with their babies.  No woman should have to go through postpartum depression alone.  Please feel free to reach out to me if you are experiencing any depression and I am happy to give you any holistic resources. I am also open to hearing your story and creating a community of women that can help support each other through this difficult "fourth trimester."

All My Love and Blessings to You,

Tina Ghahramani-Singh LAc., MSTOM

Licensed Acupuncturist, Birth Doula, Theta Healer

tinathetahealing@yahoo.com

Natural Medicines for your Child's Cold

It was brought to my attention this morning by one of my close friends on some advice for her child's cold and constant cough.   Having a three and a half year old myself, I have had first hand experience dealing with constant colds and viruses.  There are a few easy things to give your child in order to boost their immune system. 

I am going to share a few tips that have been successful for my child when she has a recurrent cold or virus.  

*Please keep in mind that these are natural tips to help your child's immune system and that I am not a M.D. or pediatrician. I am a licensed acupuncturist and can only prescribe natural Chinese herbs, vitamins or offer dietary advice.  If your child does have a fever or is sick with a sore throat for more than a few days, you should definitely take them to see their pediatrician. Follow your intuition as a parent. You always know what's best for your child.



 My Top 10 Suggestions for your Child's Cold

1.  Daily Multivitamin and Fish oil

• I buy the Catlyn children's chewable multivitamin and Nordic Omega-3 Gummies from Nordic Naturals (fish oil). 

2. Vitamin C is key 

• Chewable vitamin C is great. About 100mg daily for maintenance and 200-400mg if your child is sick. This really helps boost their immune system.

3.  Probiotic

• Believe it or not, kids need to have a healthy gut or flora for optimum immunity too.  I give my daughter a probiotic powder called HMF powder from Genestra brands. I hide it in her milk and give it to her at night. 

4. Homeopathic Cold Syrup

• I buy Highlands natural cough syrup with honey. Really great for coating their throat and any soreness or constant cough.

5. Elderberry Syrup

• My favorite brand is Sambucol elderberry syrup. They have a child's version without alcohol or sugar.  This can be taken preventatively for chronic cough and support for upper respiratory infections such as croup or viral cough.

6. Umcka

• This is a tincture that helps kick the cold twice as fast. There is a non-alcohol version at all natural food stores like Sprouts or Whole foods. 

7. Half a clove of Garlic at the 1st sign of cold

• Sounds pretty gross, but garlic is one of the most effective remedies that is anti-viral and anti-bacterial.  Just hide a small clove in their yogurt, fruit snack or hummus.  Works like a charm.

8. Chinese Pediatric Herbs

• There is a great company called Blue Poppy herbs and they make a wonderful pediatric line of chinese tinctures for kids. I use the formula called "Lu Qi Jr." for my daughters chronic cough during cold and flu season and it really works like a charm.  You can order it on www.bluepoppy.com.  Just give them one dropper daily for preventative care during the cold season or two full droppers when they are sick (for a child over 2 years old only). If they are under 2 years old, give them only 1 dropper when sick.  This is not meant for newborns.

9. Sea Buddies Immune Defense

• This is a chewable vitamin that is a great blend of vitamin C, vitamin B6, Zinc and Elderberry.  I love it because it has all of the immune boosting elements in one. My daughter loves the taste too. It is by the brand Enzymatic Therapy and you can order it online at www.enzy.com.

10. Healthy Balanced Diet & Sleep

• Diet is key to your child's health. No amount of vitamins or supplements can take the place of real whole foods.  Make sure your child is eating a good balance of fruits, veggies, grains and proteins.  Fruits give them vitamin C, protein is important for their growth and energy, and veggies are wonderful antioxidants for them.  
• Sleep is really key for restoring the body's immune system. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep at night. They need more when they are sick. 

Don't forget lots of LOVE and Laughter!  

Pick any of these tips and see which ones work for your child. I would definitely do the top three suggestions for daily immune maintenance.  

Wishing you a healthy and happy Spring :)

Tina Ghahramani-Singh

Licensed Acupuncturist, Theta & Reiki

My Personal Birth Stories

My Birth Stories

I wanted to share my personal birth stories of Setareh and Kala with other mothers in our community. For me, Kala's birth experience was one of the most life changing events of my life. I wanted to empower other women in trusting their own bodies during their own birth process.

The reality is that in our society, there is a lot of fear imposed on the actual event of labor and all the things that can go wrong.  It portrays women as powerless beings that have to listen to everything their doctors say, including unnecessary surgeries (C-Sections) or medications for labor. What many doctors Do Not talk about are all the successful stories of natural or non-invasive deliveries. 

I realize that not every woman chooses or desires to have a natural delivery. I completely respect that.  However, for the women that DO desire a natural or less invasive birth experience, I am here to say there is hope!

My first birth experience with my daughter Setareh was quite traumatic.  I had elected to have a natural delivery and hired a wonderful Doula, Sarah Burns, who was truly amazing.  My husband is an acupuncturist and helped me immensely with acupuncture and the E-stim (electrostimulation device) for reducing pain during labor. I was able to dilate about 8 centimeters on my own but because it was such a long labor, I did not know how much longer it would take to reach full dilation. We tried everything-acupuncture, eating, walking, breathing, taking a bath, ear tacs, counter pressure with tennis balls and massage.  My stubborn baby simply would not turn around therefore I endured 40 long hours of back labor.  This is normal labor times ten! After the 40^th hour of excruciating labor, I reached my transition point and gave into getting a late epidural.  What the anesthesiologist did not tell me is that I was supposed to hold still while they administered the epidural. She was very inconsiderate with her tone and went into my spine with the needle during a contraction! I will never forget that moment. I could feel that she did something wrong and had to try for another spot on my spine for the epidural.  After 30 minutes, I finally dilated the 10 centimeters and Setareh literally slipped out within 30 minutes of pushing.

One would think that the worst was over, but the hell had just begun.  After 24 hours of delivering my daughter Setareh, I began experiencing a horrific spinal headache.  This is the kind of headache one should never have to feel. It was as if someone was yanking down on my brain every time I lifted my head up.  I am an extremely pain tolerate woman, but the spinal headache pain was worse than labor for me.  I remember thinking, “Why the hell did the doctors not tell me about the horrible side-effects of the epidural and that they were not supposed to administer the epidural so late?”   I was really upset that I was in unnecessary pain and could not even lift my own baby to breastfeed her. That was a very sad time for me as a first time mother.

After 10 long days of dealing with the excruciating pain of the spinal headache, my husband called his colleague and asked for some acupuncture advice.  She specialized in women’s health with acupuncture and gave him a point’s protocol for relieving a spinal headache. My husband Mukunda followed her advice and tried the acupuncture points on me.  The next day, my spinal headache was miraculously gone! I am not kidding.  No amount of pain medication was able to lift my headache, just the acupuncture and belief that I was going to get better did the trick.   Thank God my husband was able to help me.

For a month after the spinal headache, I was very weak and experienced a urinary tract infection followed by a kidney infection and the flu!  It was a real rough month for me.  I was eventually able to get back to normal after 2 months postpartum. 

My experience of birthing Setareh was truly traumatic for me.  I knew that I was handed a pretty bad birth “card” and wondered why I had to experience that.  I am not writing this blog to scare women from getting epidurals or receiving hospital interventions.  I am simple trying to share my story in order to raise awareness.  If someone had told me about epidurals and the way the hospitals are supposed to follow protocols, I would have thought twice.  Every woman has her own unique birth experience.  Just because I had a horrible first time delivery, did not mean that my second birth would be the same.

After three years, I became pregnant with my second child.  I was extremely happy to bring a sister or brother for Setareh. Being an only child, I always wanted a sibling my whole life.  Now I was able to give that gift to my daughter. 

In the back of my mind, I was scared about how delivery would unfold for my second baby, Kala. I was determined to educate myself and found resources for a safer, natural delivery.  At 8 weeks gestation, I began working for a wonderful acupuncture and fertility center for women. These women dealt with supporting fertility, pregnancy and postpartum.  I became educated about great doulas, natural childbirth classes and birth centers in Orange County. 

When I was six months pregnant, I enrolled in Hypnobabies, a childbirth class.  This system is interesting because it teaches women how to hypnotize themselves through the labor and birthing waves (contraction).  I had tried the Bradley Natural birthing class with Setareh, and was excited to try something different this time. This class was key for me. There are six to seven CD’s you listen to, practice exercises and start visualizing your “ideal” birth experience.  In addition to Hypnobabies, I found an experienced Doula (birth coach) in my area.  She had lots of experience and was also my Hypnobabies instructor. I also went to my chiropractor for some adjustments and energy work around releasing the trauma of my first birth experience with Neuro Linx, NET and EFT (emotional tapping).  Lastly, I had some Healing Touch and Theta Healing sessions with my dear friends Amielle Moyer and Don Phillips that significantly helped me in creating a better birth experience. 

All of the new tools mentioned above truly made a difference. I was 100% determined to make this birth much better, no matter what.  I visited two birthing centers in OC since I was contemplating a natural birth.  I was pretty fixed on the idea of delivering Kala in a birth center, but the monetary amount was too high for me at the time. This felt like a huge set back for me.  I was scared of delivering in a hospital again. I had to really work around the belief systems of fear and resentment toward a hospital birth. I knew in my heart that I could still create my ideal birth no matter the setting, as long as I had a strong “birth team” with me. This birth team included my husband, doula, close friend Colena (who had two home births herself) and grandma Mimi.  I wanted to be able to be in my own “birth zone” while my birth team supported my process.  Remarkably, this is exactly what occurred. 

Kala’s birth was amazing.  I was two days past my due date (Jan. 9^th) and my husband induced the labor with acupuncture. Pretty cool huh? I did not want to deliver too late because I tend to birth large size babies. I took evening primrose oil internally about two weeks before, started walking a bunch and was having lots of Braxton Hicks about 3 weeks prior to labor.  Around 10 pm on January 11^th, I started having real contraction waves.  These came on real strong and then would subside. I was surprised how fast the labor began after the acupuncture.  I realized that the labor pains were somewhat similar to Setareh’s birth and I began to panic.  My close friend Colena reminded me that I have been through it before and that in any moment, the baby could turn into the right position.  I remained optimistic and was determined to ride each “labor wave” or contraction with the techniques from my Hypnobabies class.  After 18 hours of labor, I knew that the contractions were getting closer together. I was getting frustrated that this was again a long labor.  My birth team reminded me that it would be over soon and that I had to let go of all control and remain calm.  That was key.  At about 20 hours, I felt it was time to go to the hospital and call my doula.  My contractions were about 8 minutes apart and I was ready to have this baby! When I got to the hospital, I was 5 centimeters dilated and 80 percent effaced (cervix was thinned) and baby was in zero position. This meant my baby was really low and my cervix was almost ripe and ready for delivery.  All I had to do was continue dilating and then baby would slip out.  I kept breathing, praying and hypnotizing myself through each birthing wave. At about 26 hours, I asked to be checked and the doctor said I was about 8 centimeters dilated. This is when I hit what they call transition. I got really frustrated and thought I could not do it.  My husband reminded me that I did not want drugs in order to prevent a spinal headache at all costs. I was back on board after that.  They gave me the option to rupture my membranes (break the bag of water) but I refused. The reason why I refused was because of the extreme force of contractions with my first birth with Setareh. I was determined to keep the level of pain and contractions the same. My intuition was saying to not let them break my water and I listened this time.  Thank God I did.

What happened in the last hour of Kala’s birth was a miracle. I felt defeated since my doula, midwife and husband all thought I should listen to the doctors and have them break my water. At that moment, I checked in with my body.  My body said No.  I knew I had to TRUST my body and intuition. So I went for a walk down the hospital corridor, got in squat position during a contraction and then went into pelvic rocks.  This position is great for birthing because you are on all fours and can let your belly hang down to help descend the baby. I started feeling a large contraction come on and then my water broke on its own! It was an amazing moment.  I knew that God was telling me, “Now that you listened to your body, it is all a piece of cake now.”  I felt the urge to push my baby out 20 minutes later.  Approximately 45 minutes after my water broke, baby Kala Talayeh Singh was born!  She was an amazing 8 pounds and 9 oz. baby girl.  We felt so blessed. 

I was so happy that I had visualized a better birth with Kala and that it manifested.  I was fully enrolled in having a natural birth and knew my own capabilities physically, emotionally and mentally.  My recent birth experience has inspired me to become a doula for other women. I feel that I can help others through this challenging and beautiful transformation.

My goal is to empower other women to follow their hearts in creating their ideal birth

experience. The key points I can stress are to LISTEN to your body and really trust it.  A woman’s body has been designed to birth. I am not saying that natural birthing may be the right decision for you, but if it is, there are a lot of success stories to prove it. Thank you for taking the time to read about my birth stories. I pray for your birth story to be as wonderful and amazing as possible. 

Tina Ghahramani-Singh L.Ac.

Licensed Acupuncturist, Theta & Reiki

 

Kala and Setareh

The Singh Family